The Visible Man: The Lynching of Emmett Till Recalled – Living With Fear, Not In Fear

“Invisibility is an inner struggle with the feelings that one’s talents, abilities, personality, and worth are not valued or recognized because of prejudice and racism. 

– Dr. A.J. Franklin. Professor, Educational Psychology, Boston College

“Dorham testified in 1955 that Emmett grabbed her hand and waist and propositioned her, saying he had been with “White women before”. But years later, when in an interview she stated, “That part’s not true”.

– Dr. Timothy Tyson. Senior Research Scholar, Center for Documentary Studies, Duke University, author “The Blood of Emmett Till” (2008).

“Sixty-eight years ago, there was the unspeakable murder of Emmett Till, a 14-year-old Black boy from Chicago.  It has confronted America to see this as a story about monsters, her being one of them.  But the truth is what was unspeakable was the American social order that did nothing about Emmett Till or thousands more like him.”

– Dr. Timothy Tyson

“After hearing every aspect of the investigation and evidence collected regarding Donham’s involvement, the Grand Jury returned a ‘No Bill’ of both charges Kidnapping and Manslaughter,” the statement said. The murder of Emmett Till remains an unforgettable tragedy in this country and the thoughts and prayers of this nation continues to be with the family of Emmett Till.”

– Federal Grand Jury minutes (2008)

My Dear Readers,

In my most recent blog, “The Unspoken Truth: Lynching’s… No License Required” (03.31.24), I gave an accounting of my visit to the National Lynching Memorial, also known as, The National Memorial for Peace and Justice.  In doing so, I honored my commitment of “bearing witness” to man’s inhumanity.

In bearing witness, I view this as my commitment to self in walking my landscape.

The landscape is Life.  One of the essential realities of Life is death is a certainty. What remains uncertain is:

• How we live our lives.
• What we experience in our lifetimes.
• The memories we leave behind with the individuals we will encounter.

In today’s blog, I am providing an analysis of the traumatic reaction an individual had following an unforeseen and unanticipated experience. The title of his story is: “Caught… Trapped…No Way Out!” 

Caught… Trapped…No Way Out! 

Dear Dr. Kane,

Recently, I read one of your blogs in which you visited the Lynching Memorial in Montgomery, Alabama.  I found the blog to be alarming, impactful, and at the same time very informative.  However, I am writing to relay a personal experience that occurred following reading the blog.

I am a 73-year-old, retired professional living in Seattle, WA.  I am originally from the Delta area of Mississippi.  My father moved the family to Seattle in the mid 60’s to escape the racial violence and lynchings occurring during those times.  My grandfather who was a pastor of a small church was lynched due to his advocacy to achieve black voter registration.

Recently following a store run to Costco, I had an experience that today continues to shake me at my core.  While leaving Costco after a long, tiring day, I rolled through the parking lot with my groceries to my car, pulling out my electronic key, I noticed that my automatic key wasn’t unlocking the door.  Being somewhat frustrated, I grabbed the door and started pulling on it.  To my shock, I saw this young white woman sitting in my car…then I realized that I was standing at the wrong car!

She looked up at me, surprised.  In return, I looked at her in shock. I blurted out an apology and quickly left and found my car. What I did next has shocked me to my core. When I found my car, I inexplicably turned around and returned to this white woman explaining through her rolled up window, that my car was “four spaces down”.  She puzzlingly, looked up at me and went back to reading on her cellphone.  I immediately left the parking lot.

I have been seeking since that incident to make sense of my actions.  As a child, I recalled my parents constantly schooling me about the death of Emmett Till and putting the “fear of God” in me to maintain a safe distance from white women.

My parents passed away a long time ago but instilled in me this fear of white women.  I have done the same to my sons.  My grandsons in this generation are clueless to this concern. In accepting my parents’ fears, in the workplace or public situations I either steer clear or maintain my distance from white women.

I am angry at myself for how I reacted.  My children and grandchildren’s childhoods were good without enduring such experiences.  As much as I want to talk to them about this, I simply can’t do it.

I should never have gone back to the car.  I am angry at myself for doing so.  I put myself at risk. And now I doubt myself.  Will I lose control again?   I feel like I never got over my grandfather’s death.  I feel like I am living in the past.  Do you have suggestions as to how I can get over these feelings.  Hopefully you will answer. 

Living in the Past.

Seattle, WA.

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My Dear Readers,

As previously mentioned, my goal is to analyze this individual’s actions which can be generalized to the many African American males as well as preceding generations.

The individual’s signature – “Living in the Past” is reminiscent of earlier criticism from a white female viewer suggesting “Don’t live in the past…live in the present”. This statement is a fallacy of White Illusion as to how others not having your experience are lending expertise on how Black people should respond to psychological traumatic expereicnes in their present lives.

Psychological Transference and Transmission of Trauma

The reactions of this individual to this situation bring forth two elements: Psychological Transference and Transmission of Trauma. Both are defined as:

• Psychological transference: is when someone redirects their feelings about one person onto someone else.
• Transmission of trauma: there are two types of transmission, Intergenerational and Transgenerational. In Intergenerational Trauma, the trauma gets passed down from those who directly experienced the traumatic event whereas in Transgenerational Trauma, the descendants of the traumatized individual were not directly exposed to the incident.

Living in Fear…The Internalizing of F.E.A.R

This individual was born and raised in an environment of racial violence whereas at any time his life was at risk.  This was also the time in which the black community was reeling from the lynching death of Emmett Till.  His parents sought to protect him by reinforcing prenotions of impending harm specifically possible death arising from interactions with white women.  Following the lynching of his grandfather, the family relocated from the racial violence of the segregated South in the mid 1960’s to the “safe haven” of the Pacific Northwest, the parentally directed fear of white women relocated as well.  During his developmental stages of childhood, adolescence, early, middle, and now latent adulthood, this individual has internalized a self-induced protocol designated to maintain keeping himself safe in a world that is unsafe and as such can erupt violently, instantly at any time. 

This protocol that I have designated F.E.A.R is the abbreviation for Frightful Experiences Assuming to Real.  This individual has created a boundary/buffer zone suggesting, as long as he maintains the boundary, he can buffer or so, protect himself from the angry external environment that holds racial hatred and therefore his demise and destruction.  This zone, is known as A.D.T

• Acceptance of the status quo,
• Distancing from the external threat (white women) and
• Tolerance of the perceived threat

Returning to the Scene of … The Crime

Question: Why? Why? Why? … did this individual return to the scene of the crime?  Specifically, after realizing he had attempted to enter the wrong vehicle and had subsequently left the scene, why did he return to tell the white woman his car was four spaces away?

Response: In his conscious mind, while accidentally approaching the wrong car, he had awakened the internalized fear that had held him in check for almost seven decades.  At the time he had nonvisual recall of the lynching of Emmett Till. In his actions, he had crossed over the boundary which had been instilled from years of parental direction.  He returned to the vehicle out of fear that she was going to alert the police and therefore place him at further risk of injury, arrest, death, or imprisonment.  Specifically, and out of desperation he sought to assure the white woman that she was safe and most importantly he was not a threat.

To take note, tolerance in psychological terms is defined “as a fair and objective attitude toward those whose lifestyle differs from yours”.  However, in this situation there is not the creation of a “fair and objective attitude”.  Instead, this is a desperate attempt of parental intervention being passed down to this individual for one purpose…SURIVIVAL. 

Transformation: Living with Fear…The Integration of F.E.A.R

This individual can move toward emotional wellness.  This can begin with him wanting to transform the concept from Living in Fear to Living with Fear.  The objective is to transform the movement of internalization, or freezing the emotions to integration which is the actions of uplifting and bring fulfilment.  The clinical protocol integrating F.E.A.R details the following:

• Facing the turbulence or upsetting emotions
• Embracing the feelings
• Acknowledging the pain and suffering
• Responding by empowering towards emotional wellness

Concluding Comments-Dr. Kane

This blog relates a story of an African American elder who escaped the racial violence of one environment only to live in fear as a survivor of the transmission of trauma in another environment 2500 miles away. In recalling the Federal Grand Jury statement that:

“The murder of Emmett Till remains an unforgettable tragedy in this country and the thoughts and prayers of this nation continues to be with the family of Emmett Till.”

It rings with words of truth that the murder of Emmett Till remains an unforgettable tragedy not just for Emmett Till but for the large numbers of Black males who have been made victims and now survivors of this horrific deed and tragedy.  Emmett Till is dead and may he continue resting peacefully.  However, there are many who continue to suffer every day silently as they continue to accept, distance, and seek tolerance from unseen abuse.

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My Dear Readers,

It has been my privilege to share with you my journey of “bearing witness to man’s inhumanity”.  As I continue to walk my landscape, my focus is achieving the following: uncovering… discovering… recovering.

• Uncovering: the truth…exposing the lies.
• Discovering: sharing…educating…understanding
• Recovering: healing the psychological wounds

Please stay tuned for my next walking the landscape and “bearing witness” as I travel to Wereth, Belgium to visit The Wereth 11 Memorial and pay homage to the 11 African American soldiers who during the Battle of The Bulge in WWII were captured, tortured, executed and their bodies mutilated by the Nazis.  This information was well known by the American government and was covered up.

To the Black and Brown people seeking to walk their landscapes… be careful and aware of the pitfalls and trapdoors placed by those seeking to impact your journey.

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“I am an invisible man. I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me.  Like the bodiless heads you see sometimes in the circus sideshows, it is as though I have been surrounded by mirrors of hard, distorted glass.”

When they approach me, they see only my surroundings, themselves, or figments of their imagination- indeed, everything and anything except me.”

– Ralph Ellison, Author “The Invisible Man” (1947)

Dr. Kane… The Visible Man…Invisible …No longer.

The Unspoken Truth: Lynching’s Always in Season…. No License Required

“I have seen a man hanged… now I wished I could see one burned.”

– An unnamed nine-year-old boy speaking to his mother.

“Back in those days, to kill a Negro wasn’t nothing.  It was like killing a chicken or killing a snake. The whites would say ‘Niggers jest supposed to die, ain’t no damn good anyway- jest go and kill them’.”

– Black Mississippian recalling white violence in the 1930’s.

“In those days it was ‘Kill a mule, buy another. Kill a nigger, hire another,’ and ‘They had to have a license to kill anything but a nigger. We was always in season’.”

– Black southerner (name unknown)

My Dear Readers,

Four weeks ago, I traveled approximately 2700 miles to Montgomery, Alabama to visit The National Lynching Memorial (also known by its formal name The National Memorial for Peace & Justice). The focus of my visit was to bear witness. Too often bearing witness is focused on one’s success or the value of one’s work, this was to bear witness to the atrocities people can commit.

The National Lynching Memorial was created by the Equal Justice Initiative (EJI) on a six-acre site in downtown Montgomery, Alabama. The memorial opened to the public on April 25, 2018. The memorial consists of 805 hanging steel rectangles, each the size and shape of coffins. Each of the hanging “coffins” represent each of the counties and their states where a documented lynching took place. More than 4075 documented lynchings of Black people took place between 1877 and 1950, with the majority being concentrated in 12 Southern states, though many did occur outside of the South.

In visiting The National Lynching Memorial, it was my intent to bear witness to acts of inhumanity. Whereas where others attempt to deny, evade, avoid, or distract… when one bears witness to something, it is the act of affirming the “something” or the actions exists, or “something” and the actions happened.

In bearing witness, being physically present, it was intended to extend the expression of love and respect to those who endured suffering, torture, and full awareness of their impending deaths at the hands of the rage of White violence. 

My act of bearing witness is intended to achieve three objectives:

• Uncovering the truth about the action of lynching, the reasons, and justifications.
• Discovering and sharing through bringing understanding with the intent to encourage dialogue.
• Recovering and healing of the psychological wounds that continue via the transmission of intergenerational and transgenerational trauma

Uncovering the Truth

There is a falseness in the perceptions of what is a lynching.  The common misunderstanding is the theme that a lynching is “death by hanging”. The NAACP, a civil rights organization well experienced with lynchings, provided the follow definition:

 “A lynching is a public killing of an individual who has not received any due process. These executions were often carried out by lawless mobs, though police officers did participate, under the pretext of justice.”

Lynchings were violent public acts that White people used to terrorize and control Black people in the 19^th and 20^th centuries, particularly in the South.  Lynchings typically evoke images of Black men and women hanging from trees, but they involved other extreme brutality, such as torture, mutilation, decapitation, and desecration. Some victims were even burned alive.

An example of a lynching was in 1949, when Ernest Thomas was shot over 400 times by a mob of hundreds of white men while he was asleep under a tree in Madison County, Florida.  Two days after his death, coroner’s jury deemed it as “justifiable homicide”.

Lynchings in America were not isolated hate crimes committed by rogue vigilantes.  Lynchings were targeted racial violence perpetrated to uphold an unjust social order.

This era left thousands dead; significantly marginalized black people politically, financially, and socially; and inflicted deep trauma on the entire African American community.  White people who witnessed, participated in and socialized their children in a culture that tolerated gruesome lynchings also were psychologically damaged.

State officials’ tolerance of lynching created enduring national and institutional wounds that have not healed. Lynchings occurred in communities where African Americans today remain marginalized, disproportionately poor, overrepresented in prisons and jails and underrepresented in decision making roles in the criminal justice system.

Discovering and Sharing

Black lynching victims killed between 1877 and 1950 primarily died in the 12 Southern states, with Mississippi, Georgia, and Louisiana among the deadliest.  Several hundred additional victims were lynched in other regions including Michigan, Minnesota, Indiana, Wisconsin, and New York, with the highest numbers in Oklahoma, Missouri, Illinois, and West Virginia.

Some lynching victims were targeted for their efforts to organize Black communities for political and economic equality.  Others were lynched for refusing to address a White man as “sir” or demanding to be served at the counter in a segregated soda shop.  Hundreds were lynched based on accusations of offenses like arson, robbery, non-sexual assault, and vagrancy.  In a strictly maintained racial caste system, White lives and White property held higher value, while the lives of Black people held little or none.

Nearly 25% of African Americans lynching victims were accused of sexual assault and 30% were accused of murder.  Because African Americans were presumed guilty and dangerous, accusations lodged against them were rarely scrutinized.  Nearly all were lynched without an investigation, much less a trial. Efforts to pass federal anti-lynching legislation repeatedly failed because of opposition by Southern elected officials.  Only 1% of lynchings committed after 1900 led to a criminal conviction.

With no protection from the constant threat of death, nearly six million black Americans fled the South between 1910 and 1970.  Many left homes, families, and employment to flee racial terror as traumatized refugees.  Lynching profoundly reshaped the geographic, political, social, and economic conditions of African Americans today.

Recovering and Healing: The Impacts of Psychological Trauma via Transmission

There are two types of transmission: intergenerational and transgenerational.  In intergenerational trauma, the trauma gets passed down from those who directly experienced the traumatic incident while in transgenerational trauma, the descendants were not directly exposed to the incident.

African Americans continue to be impacted by generational trauma caused by extreme events, abuses, or prolonged periods of difficult times. Trauma is believed to pass from one generation to the next through genetic changes to a person’s DNA after they experienced trauma and continue to pass forward to a person’s offspring.

Concluding Statement: Psychological Trauma – The Elephant in the Room

Psychological trauma has permanence… meaning, the event, the incident or experience is permanently etched within the psychological self.  There are times in which the trauma incident, the elephant, screams loudly seeking attention. The response can be seeking support that would bring advocacy, balance, and calmness to those difficult times when intrusive thoughts and feelings could surface.

The horrors of the lynching era cannot be dismissed.  We do not have to live in the shadows of fear.  We can live in peace with full understanding of the past era.

My Dear Readers,

I hold no malice or hate in my heart.  I have taken from this holy site wisdom, understanding and concern as I continue to provide clinical psychotherapy to those impacted by psychological trauma.

May those who suffered so harshly, meeting death alone by the cold hearts of their fellow humans, now find rest and do so …peacefully.”

Strange Fruit Song by Billie Holiday

Southern trees bear a strange fruit

Blood on the leaves and blood on the root

Black bodies swinging in the southern breezes

Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees

Pastoral scene of the gallant South

The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth

Scent of magnolia, sweet of burning flesh

Here is a fruit for the crows to pluck

For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck

For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop

Here is a strange and bitter crop.

(lyrics by Abel Meeropol)

Standing Alone…. The Unspoken Truth

The Unspoken Truth: Our Children… Black, Brown and White – Understanding the Permanence of Trauma

“I can’t believe this.  This wasn’t supposed to happen. [I saw him] and 15 minutes later, my baby was gone. All because he was enjoying a race with some other kids.”

Brittani Frierson, mother of 10-year boy shot and killed by another 10-year boy, Sacramento CA. 01.03.24

“We are very strong …blue jay strong, Iowa strong… We will get through this …. because we have each other.  We are a unique both of blue jays….”

Unidentified person speaking at the vigil in the aftermath of the school shooting, Perry, Iowa. 01.05.24.

The Permanence of Trauma

Trauma does not go away by

Simply pushing it to the back of your …

mind.

It is a thief that lurks around until it

finds an open door.  It flashes. It

screams as it leaps into my soul.

It is a thief that steals in the day or in the…

night.

Enough is never enough.

It steals and steals and steals.

It plucks and sucks the life …slowly

From me.

(Dr. Micheal Kane)

My Dear Readers,

We are now in the beginning of the new year: 2024.  As we move forward there is intense shock impacting black, brown and white communities throughout this nation.

On January 3, 2024, in Sacramento, CA, a black boy, 10 years old, was shot and killed by another black boy.  The offense? The shooter was upset that he lost a bike race, retrieved a firearm from his father’s vehicle … shooting and killing the winner of the bike race.

On January 5, 2024, in Perry, IA, a 17-year-old student opened fire killing a sixth grader, wounding five others, and taking his own life. The incident occurred on the first day of students returning from their winter holiday break.

Our children are experiencing intense stressors.  It is a reality that psychological trauma can occur without notice, at any time and in any community. The intent of this writing is to provide the readership with a guide to conceptualizing and understanding trauma, its permeance and transmission.

And understanding what our children are responding to…as parents, family, friends, professionals, and community… it is important for them to know that we are all there to extend love… help…encouragement …and support.

Our Children: Black, Brown & White

It can be psychologically overwhelming for children across the country to be impacted either personally, through witnessing these horrible events and news reports, or with repetitive reviewing through social media.

There are several concerns to be addressed in this blog writing:

• Understanding the differences in subtypes of psychological trauma
• Recognition of symptoms and effects
• Healing – The Identification of Responses & Self-Help Resources

Psychological Trauma

Psychological trauma is the one emotional and psychological construct that, regardless of social or cultural basis, has common themes for all groups: impacts, reactions, and responses.

There are three major main types of traumas: Acute, Chronic, and Complex

• Acute trauma results from a single incident.
• Chronic trauma is repeated and prolonged such as domestic violence or abuse.
• Complex trauma is exposure to varied and multiple traumatic events, often of an invasive, interpersonal nature.

Permeance is defined as the condition or quality of being permanent, perpetual, or continual existence.  The clinical conceptualization of permeance is the property of being able to exist for an indefinite duration.  Therefore, intergenerational trauma and transgenerational trauma should be defined and differenced.

Trauma via Transmission: Intergenerational or Transgenerational

Generational trauma is caused by extreme events, abuses, or prolonged periods of difficult times.

Trauma is believed to pass from one generation to the next through genetic changes to a person’s DNA after they experience trauma. Furthermore, there is evidence that these genetic markers are passed on to a person’s offspring.

Features of Generational Trauma

• Transmission of trauma
• Psychological & Emotional impact
• Cultural & Behavioral patterns
• Epigenetic changes
• Social & Economic disparities

Definitions and Differing Transmissions of Trauma

Intergenerational Trauma occurs when the effects are passed down between generations. Specifically, this transmission occurs when the original traumatic experience is transferred from parents to children, and then grandchildren and so on. This is thought to be a result of learned behaviors and alternations to the internal workings with the changes in the body due to stress.

Common causes of this form of trauma can include:

• Domestic violence
• Physical abuse
• Sexual abuse

Transgenerational Trauma occurs when transmission is passed down to descendants who have not been directly exposed to the identified trauma.

Therefore, the difference is in intergenerational trauma, the trauma gets passed down from those who directly experienced the incident whereas in transgenerational trauma the descendants were not directly exposed to the incident.

Symptoms of Trauma: Intergenerational & Transgenerational

• Lack of trust of others
• Anger
• Irritability
• Nightmares
• Fearfulness
• Inability to connect with others.

The Effects of Intergenerational Trauma &Transgenerational Trauma

• Shame
• Increased anxiety
• Guilt
• Heighten sense of vulnerability
• Helplessness.

Healing – Identification of Responses & Self-Help Resources

The Six Stages of Healing from Generational Trauma

• Pre-awareness – lack of prior awareness of the concept of generational trauma
• Uncovering – becoming aware, having knowledge, and understanding of the concept of generational trauma
• Digging in – occurs facing the reality of generational trauma being a difficult problem.
• Healing – the process of restoring to emotional state.
• Understanding – the ability to comprehend the permeance of generational trauma.
• Nurturing – the want to provide care for and encourage the growth or development during stress associated with generational trauma.

What Can I Do? Coping with Traumatic Stress

First, accept your reactions. Then, be responsive by doing the following:

• Lean on your loved ones. Identify friends and family for support.
• Prioritize self-care. Do your best to eat nutritious meals, get regular physical activity, and consistent sleep.
• Understand your own needs, be accepting of professional assistance such as counseling and psychotherapy.
• Be patient.  It is normal to want to avoid feelings associated with a traumatic event.

Considerations – Further Questions

1. How hard is it to break the cycle of generational trauma?

The mental health profession has been hesitant to provide either directions or a clear, meaningful response to this question. The response often provided has been … “it’s complicated.”

It has been my opinion that trauma has permanence.  Therefore, my focus has been on treating the psychological wounds and in doing so, allowing the treated wound to solidify, serving as a foundation of healing when generational transmission of trauma becomes reality. I believe when the focus is on “breaking the cycle” of transmission, treatment is misplaced, not allowing the individual to focus on any current psychological wound but rather on the possibility of upcoming transmission in which future impact is not defined.

• Can a person be healed from generational trauma?

Without question, generational trauma, due to its ability to strike without warming, is scary.  However, in understanding the permeance of trauma, the individual can develop strategies that are proactive and responsive. Such strategies would include open and honest communications with loved ones and an appreciation (belief… faith… trust) in the psychological self’s ability to respond to the psychological impacts of the trauma and achieve emotional wellness.

Concluding Statement by Dr. Kane

Psychological trauma is cruel.  It is non-caring and everlasting.  Psychological trauma has no respect for age, gender, race, or community.  It strikes without notice or mercy. Psychological trauma has permanence.  It never… ever goes away.

And yet, one must never reject the essence of the human spirit and that of our children to not accept defeat but rather achieve driving (empowerment), striving (setting the pace and distance) and thriving (achieving goals and objections) to respond the traumatic impacts and return to normal emotional functioning.

“And understanding what our children are responding to…as parents, family, friends, professionals, and community… it is important for them to know that we are all there to extend love… help…encouragement …and support. “

Best regards,

Dr. Kane

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My Dear Readers,

As we enter the year 2024, I wanted to provide some insight into the direction of the blog for this year.

It was intention last year to write consistently however, with my recent health challenges, I have been limited in my ability to do so.  I am once again facing similar health challenges and will do what I can to provide you with insight as to the work I have passion for and the topics that bring substance to the human condition.  My upcoming 2024 travels and blog topics will include:

– The Lynching Memorial – The National Memorial for Peace & Justice (Montgomery, AL)

– The Wereth 11 Massacre, Battle of The Bulge 1944 (Wereth, Belgium)

– The Black German Memorial (Berlin, Germany)

I have been questioned more than once as to my reasons for traveling to trauma related sites. Blog postings on traumatic related materials speak to the heart of my clinical work. I view my travels to sites (domestic and international) that speak to and acknowledged mankind’s inhumanity as my responsibility to bear witness and pass on such information to others so we may understand the permeance of trauma which never, ever goes away. I am bound and honoring the words of George Santayana who stated:

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

I am reminded of a poem that I once wrote….

Returning to the Scene of the Crime

I want to return to the scene of the crime.

I do not want to go back.

Going back can bring pain, suffering, and

unresolved memories

Returning, I am armed with wisdom and

knowledge,

which I now take to the future.

I am empowered.

Whatever I was, I am no longer.

The past is what was.

It cannot be recovered.

I live for today. To understand and uncover

I seek the tomorrow.

To explore and discover…

Self

Dr. Micheal Kane

Standing Alone… The Unspoken Truth

The Unspoken Truth: Divided Quietness – Responding to Transgenerational Trauma

“It is so important for you and me to spend time today learning something about the past so that we can better understand the present, analyze it, and do something about it.

Malcolm X, Civil Rights Activists

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

George Santayana

“The past is never dead. It’s not even past.”

William Faulkner, Fiction Writer

“History is kept by the state, outsiders, or the community. When a community fails to keep its history, it becomes an accomplice along with the state and outsiders to imposing the psychological trauma within the community.”

Dr. Micheal Kane, Clinical Traumatologist

My Dear Readers,

In the previous blog, “The Houston Riot of 1917 – “An Opportunity to Correct the Record”, I wrote about the military court martials of 157 & executions of 19 Black Soldiers during WWI. Descendants of these young men have fought for 106 years to have these convictions overturned and have the truths exposed.

The descendants were successful in overturning the convictions that lead to dishonorable discharges and swift executions without avenues of appeals of either.

However, in the quest to correct the record, the truths regarding the explicit acts of racism within the trial was not exposed. The one-time trial of 157 soldiers was conducted on a massive scale, in secrecy with the immediate carrying out of the death sentences.  Furthermore, to add to the injury, the military and the federal government had never issued a formal statement to the descendants, the African American community, or the nation, apologizing for its actions.

The timing of the announcement of the “correcting the record” was deliberate and planned to receive minimal response. To not serve as a distraction. Instead of an early release, the press release came several days following Veteran’s Day.

There was no fanfare, no statement from President Biden in his role as commander in chief of the military.  Although the Secretary of Defense and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff are African American men, no formal statement was made by either individual.

The Community: An Accomplice in Imposing Trauma

In my previous blog, to paraphrase, I stated that when a community fails to keep its history it becomes an accomplice to the psychological trauma being imposed upon and experienced within it.

Divided Quietness

I have received ample feedback ranging from condemnation and outrage to defensiveness regarding the current level of silence and the desire to place this incident in the “past”.

The African American community is not monolithic. Specifically, it does not speak in one voice.  In relation to the revelation of the incident, military court martials, executions and now correcting the record, the reactions have varied, and the response have been a “divided quietness”.

Reactions have included:

• “I didn’t know.”
• “It happened a long time ago.” (106 years)
• “It has nothing to do with me.”
• “Leave it in the past.”
• “I don’t want to burden my children.”
• “It makes me angry … I don’t want to talk about it.”
• I am not going to tell my children; they don’t need to know.
• “I have to pray about this.”

Responding to Transgenerational Trauma: Understanding the What & How

As a clinical traumatologist focusing on working with traumatized populations, the objective is to assist those impacted in responding to traumatic injury and the goal is creating a safe space to process the incident(s) which is the foundation of the traumatic injury.

What is Transgenerational Trauma?

In layman’s terms, transgenerational trauma refers to traumatic experiences that are transmitted through the subconscious to subsequent generations and the greater society.  People in the next or following generations find themselves showing symptoms of trauma without having experienced the trauma themselves. 

What are the symptoms of Transgenerational Trauma?

• Lack of trust.
• Anger, frustration, or irritability.
• Insecurity and poor self-esteem.
• Anxiety disorders and depression.
• Difficulty trusting others.
• Unreasonable fear of injury or death.
• Substance abuse.
• Feeling disconnected or separated
• Numbing 

What Can I Do?  Coping with Traumatic Stress

First, accept your reactions.  Then, be responsive by doing the following:

• Lean on your loved ones.  Identify friends and family for support.
• Prioritize self-care. Do your best to eat nutritious meals, get regular physical activity and get consistent night’s sleep.
• Understand your own needs; be accepting of professional assistance such as counseling and/or psychotherapy.
• Be patient.  It is normal to want to avoid things about a traumatic event.

Concluding Remarks:

“Live in the present… not in the past.”

My Dear Readers,

The above quote by a white reader, was sent to me several years ago. The quote seeks to deny the processing of transgenerational trauma which continues to this current day. There is a version by a black reader that stated, “put the past in the past”.  Both versions reflect the typical desire I define as: D.E.A.D – Denial, Evasion, Avoidance, Distraction.

Simply stated, the desires to “live in the future” or “put the past in the past” do not work within the subconscious because feelings and thoughts are free flowing, therefore, cannot be directed or controlled. Furthermore, the realness that transgenerational trauma, specific to the African American identity of 403 years, have permanency … it never … ever goes away. 

And in understanding the permanency of trauma, we cannot undo its 3E’s: Existence, Exposure, and Experience.  We have a responsibility to educate and prepare our children.

We can do so with compassion and empathy.  We can provide safe spaces to facilitate understanding and learn how to balance traumatic impacts and lighten the burden associated with the past. In doing so, we can empower ourselves towards emotional wellness, walking the landscape and achievement of self-discovery.

Best regards….

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“My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, it has only strengthened me.”

Unknown

“Never be defined by your past.  It was a lesson, not a life sentence.”

Unknown

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Standing Alone… The Unspoken Truth

The Unspoken Truth: The Houston Riot of 1917 – An Opportunity to Correct the Record

“The board determined the court proceedings to be ‘fundamentally unfair’, and unanimously recommended that all convictions be set aside, and that the soldiers’ military service be re-characterized as honorable.”

– Christine Wormuth, Secretary of Army, (2021-present)

“While we cannot go back in time to change the past from today on, we have an obligation to correct the record.  Not only should we recognize the dedicated services of these Buffalo Soldiers, we must restore and preserve their legacies in perpetuity.”

– Matthew Quinn, Under Secretary for Memorial Affairs, (2021-present)

“Today the legacy of the soldiers, their patriotism and service to the nation – protecting freedoms that they themselves did not enjoy – is being respected and uplifted.”

– Jason Holt, Attorney & descendent of PFC Thomas Hawkins

My Dear Readers,

In this blog, I want to focus on the recent announcement by the US Army seeking to “correct the record”. After 106 years, they are re-examining the court martials of 110 and the executions of 19 Black Soldiers during World War I.  The US Army is not acting in good faith or character by intentionally waiting several days after Veteran’s Day to announce the news. 

The incident occurred in Houston TX in 1917. After repeated assaults by white police and members of the white community, the men of Third Battalion, 124^th Infantry, armed themselves and marched toward Houston to confront police about the persistent violence. They planned to stage a peaceful march to the police station as a demonstration against their mistreatment by police. However, just outside the city, the soldiers encountered a mob of armed white men and violence ensued. In the end four soldiers, four police men and 12 civilians were killed.

The US Army “rounded up” 157 black soldiers, court martialing them and trying them in three groups.

• 19 soldiers were sentenced to death and their sentences were “carried out in secrecy and within a day of sentencing”.
• It was the largest mass executions of American Soldiers in the history of the military.
• Following this, the military implemented regulatory changes which prohibited future executions without review by the War Department (now Department of Defense) and the President.

I would like to direct words specifically to the African American community as I believed we have, for the last 106 years, been “asleep at the wheel”.

I will share two comments on social media placed by African Americans:

1. This action “[is] an opportunity to allow for potential restorative justice and helps guard against repeat occurrences.”

As a clinical traumatologist, I strongly disagree.  Restorative justice and guarding against repeat occurrences cannot be factored in until there is a three-prong process leading to the following:

1. Uncovering – the truths associated with the incident are fully exposed and an understanding of psychological traumas these Black soldiers endured due to racism.
2. Discovering – it has taken the US Military 106 years to “correct the record”.  It is a reality that this travesty is not being taught in American history classes nor is such information known within the African American community and being handed down from “generation to generation”.
3. Recovering – the psychological and emotional wellness of the African American community is in shock and now under a “state of psychological conflict” as it seeks to come to terms psychologically from historical trauma revealed without any preparation to receive this information. 

This psychological conflict is revealed in the second social media comment by an African American who states:

2. “One-hundred and six years late, but better late than never. I hope they attach interest to the benefits. So grateful that my dad was part of the desegregation. It is on these men’s shoulders that he stood and from whom he drew inspiration and courage.  Makes my blood boil though.  I’ll have to pray about this one.”

In the comments the writer seeks to distance himself from acknowledging any gratefulness achieved from the sacrifices and deaths of these men.  He pins all the gratitude for what these men did for his father in his statement: “It is on these men’s shoulders that he stood and from whom he drew inspiration and courage”.

However, the internalized conflicts slowly arise in his ending statements. Psychologically, he knows the conflicts of acknowledging his father’s standing on their shoulders yet refusing to acknowledge he is standing on his father’s shoulders.  Therefore, he concludes with, “Makes my blood boil though.  I’ll have to pray about this one.”

Concluding Remarks: No Free Pass

“Oh Happy Day”

Edwin Hawkins Singers (1968)

“Oh, happy day

Oh, happy day

When Jesus washed

Oh, when He washed

He washed my sins away.”

My Dear Readers,

I am not going to lay this on Jesus.  I do not want sins in this matter to simply be “washed away”. 

Sins of the US Army: Racism… Deception… Covering Up

The US Army court martialed 157 black men for the crimes of self-defense, fighting to survive psychological and physical abuses, murder, and domestic terrorism at home during times of war as they awaited deployment to fight in Europe.  One day following the trial, they executed 19 men under the veil of secrecy.

These men were never provided the opportunity to say farewell to their families.

They greeted death being dishonored and alone.

Sins of the African American Community: Distancing…Willful Ignorance…Silence

The African American community is NOT monolithic… meaning it is not formed of a single block of stone and nor does the community stand as one or speak in one voice.

But where are the voices… any voice?  The descendants of these soldiers have been fighting this battle alone… for 106 years.

And yet there were those days in which voices and actions within the community gave alarm and raised hope for those who had none.  Such examples are:

• The Negro Silent Protest Parade 1917 in which 10,000 protested in New York City against police brutality and race rioting.
• In 1932 following the Scottsboro Boys trial the black press engaged along with the NAACP and the black community openly sought justice, eventually achieving freedom for those wrongfully convicted. 

And in reaction, to the black soldiers being executed in secrecy, it was the torrent of outrage from the black media, press and the black community that forced the drastic change in policy that prohibited future executions without, now, the Department of Defense and the President.

There is the problem in the black community where the lack of teaching issues of historical significance leaves future generations unknowledgeable and unaware. The end results can be responses ranging to shock, disbelief, denial, anger, guilt and moving toward traumatic implications and responses.

In willful ignorance, as to the either clear statements or behaviors of “I don’t want to know…”, it is merely a denial of the reality that we are standing on the shoulders of those young men who were either unrightfully dishonorably discharged or went to their deaths alone. 

There is a clinical concept I defined as D.E.A.D: Denial…Evasion…Avoidance…Distraction. This is the trauma that is psychologically destroying White America as they continue to shut their eyes, close their ears, and distance themselves from the daily occurrences of racism in their environment. 

Black America is at risk of the same.  Social distancing, willful ignorance and not educating children only serves to be unprepared for the psychological trauma that awaits. 

As I stated in an earlier writing, “History is kept by the state, outsiders, or the community”. When a community fails to do so, it too becomes an accomplice, along with the state and outsiders, to the psychological trauma being imposed and impacted within the community.

Bottom line… look at the reflection in the mirror… stop blaming others like the state or outsiders and start taking responsibility for empowering yourself, your children, and your community.

“Oh, happy day

Oh, happy day

When Jesus washed

Oh, when He washed

He washed my sins away.”

No. I want my sins and those of others to remain front and center.  It is stated that to forgive is to forget.  I state forgive and remember.

My next writing on black veterans in military service will come in May 2024 following my journey to Wereth Belgium in which I will visit the memorial to the 11 black infantrymen captured, tortured, and executed by the Nazis during the Battle of the Bulge in World War II. 

This horror was known by the US military and covered up.

Until then…

Standing Alone… The Unspoken Truth

In Our Corner: To Protect & Serve: Do Black Lives Really Matter?

Ta’Kiya Young & her unborn child killed by Police in an Ohio Parking Lot 08.24.2023:

“Out of the car,” the officer said multiple times.

“For what? Young asks.

“They said you stole stuff.  Do not leave,” he responds.

A second officer then stands in front of Young’s car, puts his hand on the hood, and eventually points his gun at her through the front windshield.

“I didn’t steal s—,” Young says.

“Then get out,” the first officer says.

The officer standing in front of the Young’s car is then seen pointing his gun towards her.

“Get out of the f—ing car,” the second officer says.

“No.” Young is heard saying, followed by, “You gonna shoot me?”

“Get out of the car,” the first officer responds while banging on Young’s window with one hand and grabbing the slightly opened window with the other.

Seconds later, Young is seen turning her steering wheel and driving off.  A sound is heard as the officer in front of the car fires into the windshield at close range and moves to the driver’s side.

In a statement [Chief] Belford, (Blendon Township) said Young drove her car directly into one of the officers and he “fired a single shot through the windshield,” which led to her death.  According to Belford, the officer is a victim of attempted vehicular assault.

(Regarding the other officer), Young also drove away with the other officer’s arm in the driver’s side window, making him a victim of misdemeanor assault, Belford said.

Because Young is dead, charges can’t be filed, but the crime victim status of both officers remain, Belford said.

“This is a tragedy.” Belford said. “Ms. Young’s family is understandingly very upset and grieving.  While none of us can fully understand the depths of her pain, all of us can keep her family in our prayers and give them the time and space to deal with this heartbreaking turn of events.”

– Mirna Alsharif NBC News

My Dear Readers,

I am writing in response to the police involved shooting death of Ta’Kiya Young. I am filled with intense sadness not only because of the tragedy of her needless death, but also the loss of her unborn child. This shooting, the latest in the ongoing psychological intrusions that continue to strike at the heart of the African American community, is akin to a tsunami. 

Tsunamis are giant waves caused by undersea earthquakes or volcanic eruptions. There are no identifiable means/ways to predict where, when or how destructive the next tsunami will be. However, while tsunamis cannot be prevented, there are things that can be done before, during, and after a tsunami that could save lives.

While deaths, injuries, and psychological trauma from natural occurrences like earthquakes or volcanic eruptions and the very unnatural deaths of African Americans by the intentional actions of police are both tragic and heart wrenching, they share another heartbreaking similarity: there is no identifiable means/ways to predict where, when or how destructive the next police shooting will be.

The Numbers Speak Truth: Consistency in the Killing of African Americans

There has been a consistent history of police involved shootings of African Americans.  Various research studies have reached the following conclusions:

• Black people, who account for 13% of the US population, account for 27 % of those fatality shot and killed by police in 2021. That means that Black people are twice likely as White people to be shot and killed by police officers.
• Another study over a 40-year period (1980-2019) found that Black Americans were estimated to be 3.5 times more likely to die from police violence than White Americans.
• A study conducted by Harvard School of Public Health found that Black Americans are 3.23 times more likely than White Americans to be killed by police.  The researchers examined 5,494 police related deaths in the US between 2013 and 2017.
• Police violence is a leading cause of death for young Black men in the United States.  Over the life course, about 1 in every 1,000 Black men can be expected to be killed by police. Risk of being killed by the police peaks between the ages of 20 and 35 for men and women for all racial and ethnic groups.
• Racial disparities in killing by police varied widely across the country, with some metropolitan areas showing high differences between treatment by race.  Black Chicagoans, for example were found to be over 650 % more likely to be killed by police than White Chicagoans.

The Tsunamis Comparison: Saving Lives: During & After Interaction with Police

As stated earlier, there are no identifiable ways/means to predict where, when or how destructive the next police shooting will be.  In relations to daily interactions with police using police powers in enforcing the law, Black people as individuals have the power to take actions that could save lives and reduce the psychological distress of the interaction that may follow. Such empowerment can come in the following two phase:

1. During the Police Stop
2. After the Police Stop

1. During the Police Stop

Understand …the police have the legal authority to stop, question and detain.  Keep your hands in open sight.  Keep your hands away from your body.

• Comply… Comply… Comply…with all police directives. Never leave the police stop without consent of the police.  By leaving without consent you are placing you and your passengers in danger of death, or physical injury.
• Be observant. Take quiet notice of the police officer’s badge, vehicle identification number, the policing agency (city, county, or state), the time of the police stop, address and other key information such as possible witnesses or traffic cameras.

2. After the Police Stop

“Do not seek to resolve the issue with the Police in the street.  You will lose.  The system is designed for you… to lose.”

• First, understand you have succeeded in stepping away alive, unharmed, and now you can return home…safe.
• Be observant of the officer’s mannerisms, use of language (profanity) the way the police stop was carried out. Take note of any actions by the police officer that created discomfort (placing his hand on or drawing his firearm).
• If you feel you have been wronged, file a formal complaint with the police agency’s Accountability Department. The complaint is now documented and will trigger the opening of a formal review of the situation and will become a permanent record in the police officer’s personnel file that will follow the officer throughout active policing to retirement.

Concluding Words

My Dear Readers,

A few weeks ago, in the blog entitled, “In Our Corner: Learning to Live with Fear not In Fear.”  I referenced the fear that African Americans feel when they or their loved ones interact with the police. They live every day, holding their breath…awaiting the next police shooting.  And now, we mourn the tragic police shooting death of Ta’Kiya Young and her unborn child. In reviewing the statements of Police Chief Belford as quoted in the beginning of the blog, there is a tapdancing around and intent to not only blame Ms. Young for their deaths but also to cite the two officers as “crime victims”.

The deaths of Ta’Kiya Young and her unborn child were preventable. Ms. Young sought to resolve the issue with the Police in the streets by driving away and in doing so failed to comply with their commands and directives. The police in their response, seeking compliance, utilized profanity, power and control techniques as well as actions placing their own lives at risk of immediate harm, specifically one officer standing directly in front of the vehicle and the other officer reaching into the vehicle grabbing the steering wheel.

So, the outcome of situations in which the police interact with African Americans under the concepts of “enforcing the law”, directly results in the deaths of a black woman and her unborn child where the only crime was shoplifting a bottle of liquor. So again, the questions remain… To Protect & Serve: Do Black Lives Really Matter?

Looking at the realness of Blackness…  As we continue to hold our breaths awaiting the next police involved shooting of a man, woman, child etc., listen to your own thoughts and feelings…. Answer the question and be with your own truths.

Until the next time… Remaining… In Our Corner

At The Crossroads: The Transformation of Parenting: Accepting Our Adult Children

I can’t let my son go (to college). I am very scared and concerned for his safety.   It’s just not safe out there.  He can stay at home, rent free, find a job, and leave when it’s safe. You asked when will that be? I don’t know.  God will let me know.

–        Anonymous Parent (mother)

I have a son 19 who wants to live the thug life.  I’ve been paying his rent, utilities, cell phone and giving him a monthly stipend of $2,000.00.  Following his last stint in jail for four months he wasted the $8,000.00 I had saved for him. Now, he’s back in jail, wanting me to get him an attorney.  I have had enough.  I will continue to pay his rent, utilities, and cell phone bill.  Anything else he is going to have to do it on his own.

–        Anonymous Parent (father)

I have a daughter who is away attending college out of state. This [is] the first time she has ever lived away from me.  I have been calling her several times a day to check on her.  She won’t tell me anything.  She’s a good girl… and she’s smart.  I am worried.  I met her dorm mate. She seemed levelheaded.  I know [that] I am being a helicopter parent.  I am beginning to irritate my daughter. I don’t know what to do.

–        Anonymous Parent (father)

My Dear Readers,

It is that special time of life that parents have been waiting for since the birth of their child… the ending of one stage of development, adolescence, and movement into the next stage, young adulthood. There is an old saying: “Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it”.

For many years, parents have been directing, supervising, managing, and guiding their children to this very day: adulthood.  Many parents have thought, prayed, wished, and waited for the “freedom” the arrival that this very special moment is going to bring and yet, instead of waves of joy and relief, there may be feelings of unanticipated anxiousness, uncertainty, and unexpected fear.

The three quotes at the beginning of this blog represent statements from parents who have reached out expressing concerns about their children. However, the intent of this blog is to focus on the parents and not the young adults.

The common needs the three parents expressed in the quotes include:

• control
• protection
• resolution of parental fear
• provision of a safe and secured space for the young adult

The needs of the parent can create the following issues within the parent – young adult relationship:

• Conflict regarding parental control and freedom being sought by the young adult.
• Contradictions in parental boundaries and expectations of young adults.
• Confusion and lack of clarity in parental expectations and roles.

Transforming & Restructuring the Parent-Young Adult Relationship: The ABCs of Parent – Adult Interaction

As previously stated, the earlier roles of parental involvement in the daily lives of their children included:  

• directing
• supervising
• managing
• providing guidance

One difficulty that is essential for parents to understand is the transforming and restructuring of the relationship with their child. Once the child attains adulthood, that change is permanent. They must understand that there is no returning to the prior status of childhood or adolescence.  It is in this understanding that the parent realizes that the earlier parental role is now transformed into The ABCs of Parent Adult Interaction.  This includes the following:

• (A) Advocate – as an advocate, the parent should be a good listener, be supportive, have awareness of all the necessary information, and be a good representative should such be called upon.

• (B) Background – being in the background, the parent avoids attracting attention, accepting a position of being less important while encouraging the young adult to step forward accepting responsibility in relationships, communications, and intimacy.  The parent in the background can have an important effect on self-esteem and building confidence in the young person’s life.

• (C) Consultant – as a consultant, the parent is available “upon request” to provide coaching through important decisions, using one’s cumulative experience and knowledge to offer guidance on an issue identified by the young adult.

Concluding Remarks

My Dear Readers,

We do not live in a perfect world and therefore there is no perfect solution for the parents listed in the three quotes.  Here are some recommendations:

• Conflict regarding parental control and freedom being sought as a young adult

Parents must resolve their own internalized fears. They must let go and allow their young adults the freedom they have now attained in adulthood.  The mother who will not allow her son to go off to college is projecting her fear upon her son which places him in the situation of living in fear as well.  Living at home rent free under the mother’s watchful eye is not a safety net; it is merely another form of incarceration.

• Contradiction in parental boundaries and expectations of young adults

Parents must clarify for themselves what are the boundaries and expectations of young adults. It is unrealistic to expect that a 19-year-old seeking to enjoy the “thug” life would be appreciative and act responsibility with a monthly stipend of $2,000.  Understandably the free rent, utilities and cell phone are intended to keep the young adult at a distance yet in a safe place.  However, the financial resources that he did not earn or achieve have been squandered and he is in the place where thugs eventually end up… jail.  The father is living in fear and not validating the intended desires and actions of his son.  The father has set the boundary of no more funds.  The adult son will benefit from the lesson if the father maintains the boundary now set in place.

• Confusion and lack of clarity in parental expectations and roles

Parents must clarify for themselves the roles they seek to have within the lives of their young adults.  Assuming the parent is successful in assisting the young adults in achieving values and clarity in direction, morals etc., then it is feasible to extend trust to the young adult in decision making and experiencing life outside the immediate purview of the parent.  The status of helicopter parenting is one of living in fear, reinforcing lack of trust in the young adult.  Continuations of such behavior will no doubt result in tension and most likely distancing as the young adult may seek alternate ways to engage in living life outside the purview of the hovering parent.

In closing, parenting a child to adulthood is accomplished by following many years of parental distress and joy.  Once the child attains adulthood, the work of parenting is not over, done, or completed.  The reality of being a parent is simple, being a parent is a lifetime vocation.  However, similarly as parents seek for their child to make the transformation into adulthood… so must parents do the same. 

So, consider the transformation to Advocates…Background…Consultants…

Until The Next Crossroads… The Journey Continues

At The Crossroads: The Absentee Father Resurfacing During Young Adulthood.

“You can run but he can’t hide. Once the bell rings, you are on your own. I made the most of my ability and I did my best with my title.”

–        Joe Louis, “The Brown Bomber”. World Heavyweight Champion, 1937-1949.

My Dear Readers,

Being born in Harlem New York and having my childhood in the segregated Jim Crow South during the pre-Civil Rights era, I recall the old men talking about their hero of the day, Joe Louis.  They spoke with joy and pride describing how they listened to the radios calling out his boxing matches and describing each blow to the body or head to his opponent as blows against white domination.  Although too young to really understand the meaning of these boxing matches, it was still a joy for me as I recall these moments and memories of my childhood. Now, these old men are dead and gone.  I have now become the old man, left to share their understanding of Joe Louis’s legacy in the context of this new form of Jim Crow confronting African Americans in 2023.

Joe Louis was the World Heavyweight Champion from 1937 to 1949.  He successfully defended his title 25 consecutive times and holds the record for the longest single reign of a champion in boxing history. Joe Louis is a testament of the blood, sweat and tears of African Americans during the Jim Crow era. He represented their hopes and was a vicarious response to their fears and challenges.  In the boxing ring, his fights were blows struck against racism, oppression, and discriminatory treatment. Though outside of the ring, he was not formally educated, he was a wise person providing insight with his quotes that are still relevant to this very day.

It is with these quotes by Joe Louis that I will seek to bring hope and respond to the fears and challenges presented in the following account of an African American father of three adult children. As a father he was not involved in his children’s lives.  Now his children are adults, holding anger and resentment as he seeks to enter their lives.  

The father begins:

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Dear Dr. Kane,

I am the parent of three adult children.  Just like my own experience where my father was not involved in my life, […] I was not involved in their lives.  When I was growing up, I swore to myself that I was going to be a better father and here I turned out to be just like him. I never told my children anything about their grandfather.  I never knew my father.  He was a “rolling stone”.  He sought the company of other women, prioritizing these women, effectively abandoning his family when I was nine years old.

My reason for writing is one of my sons, who is living on the east coast, is getting married and I have been invited to attend the wedding.  I will not have any role in the wedding.  I have not earned the right of a father. I will be sitting in the rear of the wedding and reception and not be visible [nor will I be] standing next to my son during the services.  As I have not earned the right, I do not expect to be in the family wedding pictures.  As I have not earned the right, during the reception, I will not ask [them to allow me to] give a toast extending well wishes to [the] wedding couple. I acknowledge that I have feelings of guilt and shame.  I would like to make amends regarding the pain I have caused.

My [other] children will be attending their brother’s wedding. I know my children are extremely angry and hold years of resentment [towards me] due to my lack of involvement.  I know I was wrong.  I unknowingly adopted the poor habits of my father.  I now want to be in their lives. I want to prove to them [that] I can become a better parent. I hope that one day they will forgive me. I want to approach them individually and together to apologize.  However, I won’t do this at the wedding because this is my son’s day to shine and celebrate his happiness.  Can you advise me? Am I on the right track, staying [in] the background?

Dad seeking forgiveness,

Portland, OR

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There were several themes arising from this letter. This is a father who has strong feelings of regret regarding his actions of not being involved during his children’s formative years. Now, when his children are adults, he is seeking to be involved in their lives. Although this was written by one African American father, it is a story shared by many men who, regardless of race, as they continue to age, hold unresolved feelings about lack of involvement in their children’s lives.

In this specific situation, this father wants to attend his son’s wedding and acknowledges having feelings of guilt and shame.  He may be responding to conflicts of his desire to be involved in his son’s wedding and apparently seeks to resolve the conflicts by attending the wedding while seeking to remain hidden within the crowd of wedding guests.  In acknowledging his children’s anger and resentment there is the reflection of song by Janet Jackson, “What Have You Done for Me Lately” (1985). Some of the lyrics include the following:

“What have you done for me lately?

I never asked for more than I deserve.

You know it’s the truth.

You ought to be thankful for the little things.

But little things are all you seem to give.

You’re always puttin’ off what we could do today.

Soap opera says you’re got one life to live.

Who’s right, who’s wrong?”

Hiding Among the Wedding Guests

“You can run but you can’t hide.”

–        Joe Louis

The father’s decision to remain at the rear of both the wedding and the reception is an attempt to resolve the conflict he feels for attending by hiding in plain view.  The reality displayed in the letter is the father “living in fear” and is seeking to either continue running or try to distance himself from his emotions. The quote above by Joe Louis can be clinically interpreted as: One can try to escape what one fears the most but ultimately the individual must face their fears.  Understanding that the father is fearful of possible rejection by his children, he should take into consideration that he was invited to attend the wedding and not excluded. 

As his children may also be wrestling with their feelings, the invitation may be a gesture, an acknowledgment of family and/or an offering of reconnection. Rather than seeking refuge in the shadows, it is recommended that the father be visible, extend congratulatory comments and make himself available for whatever role, may it be toasting or picture involvement that the bride and groom would ask.  Furthermore, should he not be invited to partake in a specific role, his attendance at the wedding is a statement of acknowledgment of both acceptance by his children, as well as beginning of his transformation from a non-involved parent to an involved parent.

“I have not earned the right of a father.”

“Once the bell rings, you are on your own.”

–        Joe Louis

Each time “The Brown Bomber” stepped into the boxing ring to confront a new opponent, to focus on the forthcoming tasks, he had to make peace with himself.  The same concept can be applied to this father.  As he enters the wedding proceedings, in comparison to a boxing match, he will be stepping into this “ring”.

Rather than entering as a champion, he will be the contender.  He will be there alone, without a supporting cast. All eyes, including his children, other family members and friends will be watching to see how he will interact and the outcome of his involvement in the proceedings. 

In the letter, the father acknowledges having feelings of guilt, shame, and the desire to make amends regarding the pain he has caused.  However, prior to seeking his children’s forgiveness, it is recommended that he take a respite, emotionally stepping away and embrace his feelings of guilt and shame.  It is in the embrace that he can be reflective and balance his feelings and thoughts, bringing closeness and normalizing his feelings rather than distancing himself. This process will assist him in coming to terms with his past and help him move towards healthier and more meaningful interactions with his children.

“I want to prove to them I can become a better parent”.

“I made the most of my ability and I did my best with my title.”

–        Joe Louis

Joe Louis was a symbol of greatness. The Jim Crow era was an extremely difficult time for Black people in America. Though he was not formally educated, the wisdom he shared was passed down from his mother.  Like the children in this letter, Joe Louis grew up without his father, Munroe Barrow, who was committed to an asylum when he was just two years old. With the available information regarding his father, Joe Lewis defined him as a “rolling stone”. In the African American community, a “rolling stone” is defined as a man chasing multiple women and unable to settle down even if he had a wife and children. This type of person was also seen as not taking care of his family illustrated by in the song “Papa Was a Rollin Stone”, (originally released by The Undisputed Truth 1971 and re-released by The Temptations 1972).  Some of the lyrics include:

Papa was a rollin’ stone

Wherever he laid his hat was his home

And when he died, all he left us was alone.

Hey Momma!

Is it true what they say that Papa never worked a day in his life

And Momma, some bad talk goin’ round town sayin’ that

Papa has three outside children

And another wife, and that ain’t right

In line with the lyrics, this father did not grow up with his father.  As a child he became aware of his father’s unacceptable behaviors of womanizing and family abandonment. Although this father made the commitment not to be like his father, he too found himself engaging in similar behaviors that lead to him abandoning his own family.  Now that his children are adults, in seeking to make amends, there is the verbal commitment of becoming a better parent than his father.

Rather than seeking to become a better father, it recommended to follow the wisdom of Joe Lous, “I made the most of my ability and I did the best with my title”.  Specifically, focus on one’s ability to spend quality, meaningful time, and interaction with one’s children.  Do one’s best with the title of father.

Concluding Words

“When I was growing up, I swore to myself that I was going to be a better father and here I turned out to be just like him. I never told my children anything about their grandfather.  I never knew my father.”

My Dear Readers,

There are several concerns and recommendations that I will leave you and others to consider:

• “I swore to myself that I was going to be a better father.” – It is wasteful to spend precious time trying to correct the past.  The concept of “bettering the past” cannot be objectively measured.  Therefore, focus on becoming a “different parent” creating interactions and behaviors with one’s children.  Acknowledge the past and the mistakes made and seek to be different than your father instead of better.

• “I turned out to be just like him.”– It is feasible that the parent of this father learned behaviors by observing his father.  Therefore, as behaviors are modeled unconsciously, there is merit that this father modeled the behavior of his father who engaged in “rollin’ stone” behavior.  It is with sincere hope this father will enter a therapeutic relationship focusing on forgiveness of self and healing the unresolved traumatic wounds resulting not only in his wounding but also in the wounding of his children.

• “I never told my children anything about their grandfather.” It is feasible that the father has limited information or holds negative feelings such as shame or disappointment about the actions and behaviors of the children’s grandfather.  All children have a fundamental right to know what information is available about key family members. To deny a child this information may result in distress leading to psychological trauma. Therefore, regardless of the quantity or quality of information it is best to share with children and assist them in balancing the information as well as creating a healthy “emotional container” to hold this information.

In closing, there is sincerity in hope and achievement in the development of positive interactions between this father and his children.  Speaking specifically to the African American community, it is a crucial mistake to maintain the belief that “time will heal wounds”.  The reality is that time is simply what it is… time.  Without both a commitment and the work that follows the commitment, time is what it is: moments of passage.

Past… Present… Future

Letting go of the past…

Is not forgetting…

The pain… the wounding… the suffering.

In honoring the memories

We do not surrender

In letting go, we honor

The past

As we live in the present

Preparing our children

For the future.

Dr. Micheal Kane

Until The Next Crossroads… The Journey Continues

In Our Corner: Learning to Live With Fear not In Fear

“He already has two strikes against him. He is black and he’s a man.  I don’t want him to get that third strike.”

–        Anonymous Mother of 14-year-old boy.

“I am so terrified.  I know I can’t protect my son while he is out on the streets.  I am afraid the police will take him… He is a good person… a college graduate…has a good job… but all they see is the color of his skin.”

–        Anonymous Mother of 28-year-old son.

“When I kiss my husband goodbye, I tell him that I love him.  I ask God to protect him and bring him home safely from work. When I hear police sirens, I can’t breathe, I can’t think.  I am in hell. I can’t do this anymore!”

–        Anonymous Spouse married 10 years.

My Dear Readers,

Once again, I find myself reaching out to you. I am not a prolific blog poster.  I am extremely busy with my clinical practice.  And yet in the last two blog postings, I find myself pressed to resume writing again.

In a recent post, one of my colleagues chastised me for my written views when I compared Jim Crow of the 1940’s to the lived experiences of African Americans in 2023.  James Genovese, LPC, stated:

“While it is naïve to believe that all vestiges of racism and economic oppression have been eliminated, it is equally naïve to think that we are the same Jim Crow society of the 1940.’s.” (LinkedIn 06.07.23)

Recently an article in the Associated Press (AP) reported six White former Mississippi police officers pleaded guilty to state charges for torturing, sexually and physically assaulting two Black men.  The AP story goes on to state that the six police officers entered the home without a warrant, handcuffed and assaulted the two men with tasers, sex toys, and other objects.

The news story added:

“In the gruesome crimes committed by men tasked with enforcing the law, federal prosecutors saw echoes of Mississippi’s dark history, including the 1964 killing of three civil rights workers after a deputy handed them off to the Klu Klux Klan… Prosecutors say some of the officers nicknamed themselves the “Goon Squad” because of their willingness to use excessive force and cover up attacks including the assault that ended with a deputy shooting one of the victims in the mouth.”

–        Goldberg, Michael. “Six Former Mississippi Officers Plead Guilty to State Charges for Torturing Two Black Men.” Associated Press. 08.14.2023.

Repeated actions by the police that resulted in psychological impacts and traumas of previous generations are now being passed down to present and future generations. The result is these new generations “living in fear” as indicated by the three quotes at the beginning of this blog.

The common theme of the three quotes brings to mind the Greek myth, Sisyphus. He is cursed to roll an immense boulder up a hill only for it to roll back down each time it neared the top for eternity.  Sisyphus’ rock represents mankind’s absurd dilemma, which is ultimately impossible to resolve—that mankind longs for reason and meaning in the world, but the world refuses to answer that longing. Hence, African Americans understanding the repetitive years of the dilemma of policing in their community longingly sought to have White Americans take notice and bring resolution, only to have been met with silence and failure with the result of continuing to “roll the rock up the hill”.

In my clinical practice, focusing on traumatology, a result of trauma can be one being reduced to a state of existing or surviving in the “Pit of Despair”. Therefore, after being subjected to the traumatic assault, the insult, intrusion, or incident, a permanent psychological wound develops, meaning, the traumatic experience never ever goes away. The problem may lie in the fear associated with the trauma or a similar trauma repeating itself or the inability to control the illumination of the new or reoccurring traumatic experience.  So, the person begins “Living in Fear” of the next impending traumatic experience. 

A clinical methodology of treating individuals responding to traumatic impacts is to assist individuals through the following:

• Clinical understanding of the permeance of trauma – trauma never, ever goes away.
• Teach skills in balancing the burden of traumatic impacts allowing the weight of such burden to become lighter.
• Provide a clinical methodology to transform the experience from existing and surviving the trauma impacts – Living in Fear, to growth and empowerment following trauma impacts – Living with Fear.

Transformation: From “Living in Fear” to “Living with Fear”.

The concept of Living in Fear is one where the individual during and following the traumatic incident is overwhelmed, drowning… driven to states of hopelessness, helplessness, and powerlessness.  It is the individual’s finality to control feelings, thoughts and the external spaces surrounding one’s immediate environment. 

The concept of Living with Fear is one where the traumatized individual, during and following the traumatic incident can achieve advocacy for self, balance with one’s emotions and calmness within one’s external environment. 

Movement of the negative F.E.A.R. (states of existing & surviving)

• False – what is occurring is meant to deceive.
• Expectations – strong belief that something will happen.
• Assumptions – accepted as true or certain to happen.
• Real – actually existing or occurring as fact.

Transformation to the positive F.E.A.R. (states of growth & empowerment)

• Facing – confronting, dealing, and accepting a difficult fact or situation.
• Embracing – accepting and supporting a belief or change willingly and enthusiastically.
• Acknowledging – accepting and admitting the truth or the validity of a position.
• Responding – advocating, returning, and normalizing; preparing for fullness in the state of transforming.

Concluding Words

“I am invisible, simply because people refuse to see me.”

–        Ralph Ellison, Author. “The Invisible Man” (1952).

My Dear Readers,

My experiences during my 70 years of living in Jim Crow America, have shown that regardless of my accolades, accomplishments, and achievements (and there are many), as stated by Ralph Ellison, “I am invisible simply because people refused to see me”. One individual, my esteemed colleague and PTSD psychotherapist James Genovese LPC, rather than seek to question the differences to his strongly held beliefs, he decided to hold on to an illusion and regretfully expose himself as not credible in his self-designation as an expert in PTSD.  I would encourage him and any other colleagues seeking to understand the realities of Jim Crow in today’s era review the following readings:

• “The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness” by Michelle Alexander (2010)
• “Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome” by Dr. Joy DeGruy, Ph.D.

“Our hope is we can put this unfortunate case of “wrong place, wrong time” behind us and continue to represent the community that we serve.”

–        Statement by Lansing Police Department (08.13.23) following a police officer unholstering his weapon, detaining, and handcuffing 12-year-old black boy who the police “misidentified as an adult suspected of car thefts. The 12-year-old boy was in the process of taking out the trash to the dumpster when accustomed by the police.

In closing, it is apparently clear that when it comes to psychological incidents and traumatic intrusions created by today’s policing under the cover of “representing the community that we serve” will continue.  The African American community continues to be caught in a dilemma similar to Sisyphus who is forced to roll a rock up the hill for eternity.  Until assistance is given to stop the psychological intrusions, African Americans can mitigate the psychological impacts by learning methods that will empower themselves to live with the fear rather than live in fear.

The problem of transforming policing lies with those holding the illusion of Whiteness. The silence is loud and noticeable.  As James Baldwin stated:

“They (White people) have had the belief for many years, and for innumerable reasons that black men are inferior to white men.  Many of them, indeed, know better, but, as you will discover, people find it difficult to act on what they know.  To act is to be committed, and to be committed is to be in danger.  In this case, the danger is in the minds of most white Americans is the loss of their identity.”

–        James Baldwin Author. “The Fire Next Time”, (1963).

Until the next time…

Remaining … In Our Corner.

In Our Corner: Balancing in America: The Illusion of Whiteness and Realness of Blackness

“Our hope is we can put this unfortunate case of ‘wrong place, wrong time’ behind us and continue to represent the community that we serve.”

–        Statement by Lansing Police Department (08.13.23) following a police officer unholstering his weapon, detaining, and handcuffing 12-year-old black boy who the police misidentified as an adult suspected of car thefts. The 12-year-old boy was in the process of taking out the trash to the dumpster when accosted by the police.

My Dear Readers,

Recently, I received a strong rebuke from a mental health colleague, suggesting I was being naïve in comparing Jim Crow of the 1940’s to the present days of 2023. The colleague John Genovese psychotherapist wrote:

“America has a bitter history of oppressing persons of African, First Nations, Hispanic, Asian, and Southern European heritage. We are also a nation that continues to evolve, sometimes in [the] wrong directions and many times on the right path. That we have legal protections of speech and free assembly [and] a Constitution that is adaptable and expandable are examples of this right path. It is the means by which slavery was abolished and formerly disenfranchised citizens were eventually granted voting, employment, and housing rights. While it is naïve to believe that all vestiges of racism and economic oppression have been eliminated, it is equally naïve to think that we are the same Jim Crow society of the 1940’s. No, America is not a disgrace. It is, as [with] all human endeavors, imperfect. It is a work in progress. And what we need right now is unity, not division.”

Several months ago, while traveling in Eastern Europe, I wrote a series of blogs in which I examined James Baldwin’s worldly acclaimed book, The Fire Next Time, 1963.  In his book, Baldwin focused on the life experiences for Negroes in 1963, contrasting their lives with the Colored population during the Jim Crow era of the 1940’s. 

In my six-segment blog, “The Perilous Journey”, I sought to understand and compare the differences in the treatment of the Coloreds of the 1940’s, the Negros of the 1960’s, and the African Americans of today and realized that Jim Crow was alive and doing very well in 2023.

In my most recent blog posting In Our Corner: Growing Up Black and Male, Wrong Place, Wrong Time, which focused on the racial profiling and misidentification of a 12-year-old black boy. He was in the process of taking out the trash and was accosted by the police with drawn firearms, handcuffed, and detained, traumatizing the child in the process. 

I spoke of The Illusion of Whiteness & The Realness of Blackness and the understanding that both groups reside on the same planet, are citizens in the same country, and yet reside in two separate consciousness.

Illusion of Whiteness

There is an illusion of whiteness in America.  An illusion is something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality. There is an illusion that black people enjoyed the same rights of free speech and the right of assembly.  There is the false and misleading impression of disenfranchised citizens eventually being granted voting, employment, and housing rights, there is the illusion that “America is in progress”.

Realness of Blackness

There is a realness of blackness in America.  Realness is described as the fact or quality of being real, reality, truth.  There is the realness that black people in America are responding to 403 years of racism, discrimination, and oppression. There is a realness that black people understand. That white people live in fear of black people, particularly black males, that results in profiling and targeting of these individuals. This reality of black people results in psychological distress, hyperawareness, and tension as the community becomes strained and overwhelmed while they seek to protect their children, in particular, males.

There is the realness of blackness when white fear causes the restriction of blacks from access to voting, employment, and housing. There is the realness of blackness that white America abolished one form of slavery only to create another in the form of incarceration. Particularly of black males. This act has similar psychological impacts on children and families as seen in slavery times when parents were forcibly separated from their children. Finally, in returning to the “understanding that both groups reside on the same planet, are citizens in the same country and yet reside in two separate consciousnesses”,there is a polarizing difference in how both communities view the police.  The illusion of whiteness is the desire to view the police as “protectors” acting in the supportive role of community policing.  This directly opposes the experience of the realness of blackness. The history of policing began as slave patrols. These slave patrols utilized racial profiling and misidentification against black males. These similar tactics and actions today by the police serve to create psychological distress reinforcing the inability to protect oneself or one’s children.  

Concluding Words

“While it is naïve to believe that all vestiges of racism and economic oppression have been eliminated, it is equally naïve to think that we are the same Jim Crow society of the 1940.’s.”

–        John Genovese, LPC Psychotherapist.

This quote affirms the illusions of whiteness in America which is in direct opposition of the realness and the experiences of Blackness in America.  This quote is disturbing as it is being made by a mental health professional specializing in PTSD treatment.  It provides worthy concern that black people seeking mental health treatment interview prospective therapists questioning not only their experiences working with members of the African American community but also their belief systems and the foundations of their personally held views.

There is a realness in the blackness of America of balancing the illusions held by others and holding one’s breath, awaiting the next shocking media development or announcement psychologically impacting and traumatizing a hyperaware and hypersensitive community.  Yes, as indicated in the statement by John Genovese the psychotherapist, there are “legal protections of speech and free assembly, a Constitution that is adaptable and expandable”. However, the Fourth Amendment’s guarantee of “protection from unreasonable searches and seizures by the government” means very little, when a Black parent lives in fear of sending one’s male child out to do a simple household task; the fear that the child will be misidentified and killed by the police.

 The First Amendment’s guarantee of the “right of the people peacefully to assemble” means very little when a Black parent lives with the fear that their child will be racially profiled by the police.  Such awareness must be communicated to the child to keep them safe if they are detained by the police.  

Lastly, the First Amendment’s guarantee of the right to “petition the government for a redress of grievances” means very little, following repeated attempts by the black community through its leaders and parents to the government to address the concerns of racial profiling and misidentification of black males.  With the resulting grievances and responses being silence or apologies such as the recent incident where the 12-year-old was handcuffed and detained while taking out the trash, police chief stated,

“As the chief of police, I want to apologize that this incident has such an effect on this young man and his family.”

–        Police Chief Soebee, Lansing Police Department

Noted in the apology is the repeated misidentification of the 12-year-old boy as a “young man”. Clearly as this misidentification is coming from the leadership of the policing authority, the same message of misidentification is being communicated and reinforced to those working under his leadership.  The resulting view of realness in blackness, our children, particularly our males remain at risk from those who seek to “enforce the law” under the cover of “community policing.”

The realness of blackness as to the perception of helplessness in protecting our children particularly males extends in other domains as well. Recently, a black adolescent in Jefferson Parrish School District, LA was psychologically traumatized while attending a classroom viewing when a virtual screening of a brown stick figure hanging from a noose with a racial slur (ni**er) with his name attached. (08.12.23)

The response from the Jefferson School District?  An apology.

In closing, I want to respond to my colleague’s illusions of whiteness in his closing quote, Mr. Genovese stated:

“No, America is not a disgrace. It is, as all human endeavors, imperfect. It is a work in progress. And what we need right now is unity, not division.”

I recently saw the following quote in a LinkedIn posting:

“I want them to have everything that I have.  I want God to bless them as much as he blesses me, but Pastor, I just can’t be in the same room with them.  It just bothers me.”

– Uncredited

The truthfulness and honesty of this statement affirms the illusion to pretend that America is not a disgrace.  In the realness of black people, America has been a “work in progress” for 403 years.  What we have is division and as long as whiteness resides in a state of illusion, such illusion will prevent unity and continue to result in division.

In recalling the words of James Baldwin:

“The really terrible thing, old buddy, is that you must accept them.  And I mean that very seriously.  You must accept them with love.  For these innocent people have no other hope.  They are, in effect, still trapped in a history which they do not understand, and until they understand it, they cannot be released from it.  They have had to believe for many years that black men are inferior to white men.’

–        James Baldwin Author, The Fire Next Time (1963)

Until the next time…

Remaining … In Our Corner.